He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
