there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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