You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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