It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
