sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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