What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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