Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Please don't give away my fajitas
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
