I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
