After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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