Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Someone shit on the floor
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
