if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
