Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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