I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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