Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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