Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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