heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
3 2 1 whiskey
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
