oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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