If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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