Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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