Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
