Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize