ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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