Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
