There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
