Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
