I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
