no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
