we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
