K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
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Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize