just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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