New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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