That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize