haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
