discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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