Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
