i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
