Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
