I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
