He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
