Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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