Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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