I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
