I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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