i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
