There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
