He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
