swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
