Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
