I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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