Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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