This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you made out with another girl for some wings
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
