There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
