I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
