Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
