I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
