I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
