I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
