she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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