You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He shit in the fireplace
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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