My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
