what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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