I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
