I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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