Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
