I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
