She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize